Tonight I had dinner with the Indonesians..... all of this for the sake of one boy. It is really something how you can be surrounded by people and not want to be there. The conversation was nice, pathetic, but nice. Patti is a bit flaky and smiles a lot. God I wish I were elsewhere. Angela? Alice? Where are you? I am tired of this....and the company is not what I want. I do not see what I want and therefore I don't want anything. To bring up Alice Walker ... "Expect Nothing. Live frugally on surprise..." I have expected too much of people sometimes....I have held the belief that everyone has and should want something to live for.... and should actually give a shit about the world. Ah me, such is life. I will get what I want, come hell or high water. I have the gall, the gumption, and the want to of Joan Crawford and Barbra Streisand combined.