Saturday, April 16, 2005

It is interesting...I am just now thinking about the sucession and continuum of my ZitKala Sa paper for little swedish lady--I cant remember her name-- Melissa Holmstead-- turnedinto my thesis on DuBOis--- my archival paper turned into my masters thesis......interesting continuums......
I am now an official review writer for TippC. I think its a start. I'll be Alice Walker next.;-)

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

To build on my previous thought about preserving my heritage. I need to start writing, seriously and in a sustained manner, about my heritage. It is not just for me, but for the future. For those who will come after me. Others may benefit from it as well. My roots are long and rich and grow strong, they are firmly planted and that is what gives me my sense of self and my understanding of where I am and where I need to be. The many varied aspects to my existence are all steered towards the vortex which is my legacy. My great-great grandmother's face beckons me. Calls out to me-- I must do what I was sent here to do. I have a purpose, I have to fullfil it. when opportunity breaks it is the greatest feeling in the world, however when it is closed and there is no possibility in sight one can dip down into the uttermost despair. There is always light and one must be patient while wanting to see it, and always remember to breathe. The rich iron ore color of skin which is the norm amongst my relatives (the Deramuses, children of John Archie that is, even though attributable to my Goodson forbears) is the wisdom of their souls playing out into their physical bodies. My skin, the wealth of its color, the naturaleness of my hair--are what is instilled in me by my ancestors. My uncle lawrence was darker- his skin was a rich soot color that hinted red- like the soil that grows beautiful crops and that provided harvest for my ancestors and my family. I am swallowed whole by my legacy. I ama left at peace in the knowledge of who I am and what I need to be, sucking the nutrients that sustain me from roots that are firmly planted in the ground.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

It is a nice light rain outside. It feels good. I feel at peace. On days like this and at times like this one--with the air circulating freely,surrounding me and bringing me peace and joy within my body, I feel and try to take myself, in my mind as if I am back at my uncle's house sitting in his gazebo, the rough wood against my skin and the wind against my face as I sit or lie down, transposed. My uncles face was beautiful. And so jovial, he always carried a smile in his eyes and was a most beautiful man. I miss him a lot. I love him very much. I want his spirit to embrace me.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Song from a Broadway show

there's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend;there's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend;And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb. There's a fine, fine line between love and a waste of time. There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie; and there's a fine, fine line between "you're wonderful", and "goodbye." I guess if somone doesn't love you back, it isn't such a crime, but there's a fine, fine line between love and a waste of your time. and i don't have the time to waste on you anymore. I dont think that you even know what you're looking for. for my own sanity i've got to close the door and walk away... There's a fine, fine line between together and not. And there's a fine, fine line, between what you wanted and what you got. You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime.. There's a fine, fine line between love and a waste of time.

Personal Journey/ Writing My Soul

It is interesting that as my friendship with Josh ended that I ran into Joshua- on the next day. Fate is a wonderous entity. And that he was partaking in some sort of activism is really quite interesting. It was as if I needed to reconnect with him and hear his soft Louisiana drawl. We really havent hung out since Christmas, but we have had dinner once or twice since then. I am through with Josh. As Cecily says, you need to deal with wonderbread on a need-to basis. It does leave me a bit sad, but I am living and I think I am grounded and at peace where I need to be. Speak the word of the Strange, of the Weird (beautiful Greek and Norweigan words), "Wrong is not my name."