This article

is a link to a story about the space weaponry that the Bush administration is working on. God help us all. They want to take out countries from space now.

This evening, as I passed the barbed wire fence to go to my friend's place, I thought for a second of what it must feel like for a Palestinian passing the Israeli wall. I often wonder about the experience of Homosexuality in Islam. That is definitely something that I would like to learn more about. I wonder if there are any films about it. I do know from talking to F H that it does occur, and he has told me a little bit about how homosexuality exists within the muslim world. I often marveled as well about F H. He still plans to marry and continue in his "duty" despite his love of men. I would love to learn more. I think tonight I did more in terms of queering Islam than I think I know. How beautiful it would be when two men would learn to embracy each other, in love, in the Islamic world. That would be love. That would be beautiful.

Today Sandra Day O'Connor resigned from the Supreme Court. Two things will happen: 1) All hell will break loose and 2). Minorities (especially gay men, whom I don't feel that sorry for-- are going to suffer like hell). Ah well.

I just got through watching the new show that Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown put on television. Lord Help us all. A show about your home life and its all staged....but what Black folks do I know thats gonna put all of there business in the street....I only mention it because I think it is interesting to think about Whitney Houston and what it must be like to be her--a woman who grew up in a privileged, middle class background ( I dont know if Cissy Houston was rich or not, but I know she wasn't broke. Plus, having Dionne Warwick as your cousin and growing up knowing Aretha Franklin and other big names in the music industry means you have got some privilege. I look back at the early days of her career--she started off very afro-centric, yes, but she was in many ways a white girl with color---the image that she was given to portray. "Im saving all my love" "how will I know" crossover pop hits that appealed to white audiences. She only had the ONE album where she had an ethnic hairstyle---after that it was processed all the way. Alas, I will talk about this later.

Stella got her Groove Back

just to find out he's Gay! What the Fuck?!!!

I didn't do much of anything I had planned to do today. Well now I will. This morning Diane Rehms had a wonderful guest on her show, Evans Hopkins. He spoke most wonderfully about his experiences in the Black Panther Party and as a black youth growing up in the midst of the Civil Rights Movement. I think he is a very progressive man. He does incredible work around prison reform and the rehabilitation of the formerly convicted. I wonder if he is familiar with Angela Davis. Anyway, I am very supportive and glad that he is on the scene.

I believe I feel I need I can nurture.

Nina Simone: Just Like a Woman

Nobody feels any pain
Tonight as I stand inside the rain
Ev'rybody knows
That Baby's got new clothes
But lately I see her ribbons and her bows
Have fallen from her curls.
She takes just like a woman, yes, she does
She makes love just like a woman, yes, she does
And she aches just like a woman
But she breaks just like a little girl.

Queen Mary, she's my friend
Yes, I believe I'll go see her again
Nobody has to guess
That Baby can't be blessed
Till she sees finally that she's like all the rest
With her fog, her amphetamine and her pearls.
She takes just like a woman, yes, she does
She makes love just like a woman, yes, she does
And she aches just like a woman
But she breaks just like a little girl.

It was raining from the first
And I was dying there of thirst
So I came in here
And your long-time curse hurts
But what's worse
Is this pain in here
I can't stay in here
Ain't it clear that--

I just can't fit
Yes, I believe it's time for us to quit
When we meet again
Introduced as friends
Please don't let on that you knew me when
I was hungry and it was your world.
Ah, you fake just like a woman, yes, you do
You make love just like a woman, yes, you do
Then you ache just like a woman
But you break just like a little girl.

I have always, to my fault, I suppose, been on the mind that I want to do it myself and if I can't I just dont want to. Hm...

I feel my uncle channeling me. There are constantly forces trying to keep me from hearing what I need to hear, get what I need to get. I feel his presence. I can see his warm, dark face, chocolate as it was when he was nearing the end. He looked more like any Goodson I have ever seen then than at any other time that I have known him. I rememeber seeing a photograph, in a frame, that hung on the wall in the hall outside of my Aunt Earnestine's room-- in the house that she didnt finish paying my grandmother for.It used to scare me, and I thought it was Martin Luther King, but it was either Uncle Lawrence or Uncle Archie. My uncle's voice was deep, smooth, rich, intoxicating and soothing. He was blessed and jovial and you could tell the pure delight that he took in living. His face, his smile, always illuminated his environment. He was also good in the soil- he could touch the earth and the soil would get richer, ripe for growing. He was a great seducer. And no matter what you might be able to say about Lawrence DeRamus lord- he was mean as hell, could curse you out and teach you words you didn't even think existed ( a trait he shared with my mama and Aunt Johnnie),he was not a misogynist, but he was certainly a womanizer ( I dont know, but my mother said he had an outside child, and I know he used to beat on Aunt Venetta-- he had a tube stuck in his stomach and he was still hollering at her, even though he was feeble. My sentiment was he needed to shutup before she pulled that tube out. Wouldn't have faulted her at all.

At anyrate, he was many things-- mean,honoray-- ready for a fight ( which in my book isnt a bad thing). He told me, and wrote in his autobiography that back in the sixties, when he was working for the federal government on the OCAP project the head of the Ku Klux Klan would call him and ask him "DeRamus, I hear you got a white secretary, is that true?" "Yes" "Do you drive down Interstate--- every evening don't you?" "Yes," "You wouldn't want any trouble out there while you're trying to get home, would you?" "I don't know...... but I'll tell you. I've got my pistol sitting right there in my glove compartment along with me and if you want to cause some trouble then you come on and you better bring Jesus with you because if I have to go I intend to take few of you with me." My uncle was certainly a Goodson. Lawrence Dupriest DeRamus.

At his funeral, my cousin Larry (his progeny. He sent him to Westpoint. We all have our faults) said over his father " Now all of you knew my father pretty well, as a matter of fact I'm sure more than few of you had been cursed out by him a time or two." Indeed, the minister that spoke over him had felt his wrath a few years earlier, at which point my uncle stopped going to church, but was still a member. My uncle's beautiful house in Enterprise was always a place of rest, calm, and serenity for me. I love(d) nothing more than sitting in his gazebo surrounded by all of those beautiful trees in his little grove, contentedly reading my book, feeling the breeze against my face, at peace. What a beautiful time. I need to go back there.

My uncle was a rambunctious, curious, intellectual ripe,incredible man of ability and strength. He also had plenty of foresight. He established a credit union, organized a teacher's union, organized chapters of the NAACP, started headstart programs and poverty relief programs, helped design a country club(ok, whatever), and was well-respected and admired. When he was near the end, his hair was completely white and his skin sagged, though still maintained its rich color. With his eyes, he could look down into your soul. At his funeral there were three mayors from the surrounding towns present and the governor of Alabama sent a letter of condolence. I was impressed. My uncle was a brilliant mind and always loved to talk with me about people of color, Pan-African movement, the world, and life in general. Thank you for him.

My stomach is a mess. I know it is my nerves. Eh. God deliver me.

The

rulings

of the Supreme Court for this term have captured my interests a bit. Firstly, I very much favor the way that they handled the separation of church and state issues that came before them. While I do not believe that public officials or other interested bodies should be able to make religious displays or statements on public property, those religious symbols that are placed as monuments due to their historical significance or that are placed within a larger contextual framework are perfectly ok. Their decision conscerning the right of

Eminent Domain

are quite troubling. This leaves minority communities at terrible peril, if city and local officials decide that certain areas need to be broken apart do to the advancement of a city. One should never forget the case of Overtown in Miami and how they dispaced all of those Black people in order to build a highway so White people could get to their homes in the suburbs from the city. The supreme court could have done more to protect minorities. Also, what is with this woman not getting any justice from the courts after her husband murdered her three children? Oh my God. What is the court doing? I don't believe in protecting police precincts anyway. They can be among the most corrupt. Eliminate COINTELPRO, racist white men, and phallocentrim, and then maybe.

Jon Stewart is so fucking funny. He tells the truth and makes me laugh and feel better, and even try to be a lot less cynical. Lord, please don't let me be George Bush.

I am sitting here at Willowbrook and there are a bunch of white children sitting here tearing up the chairs and everything else. Oh Teutonic Heroes.......

There is a gorgeous black boy sitting next to me. He is luscious.

I just watched Queer as Folk for the firs time in Ages. I haven;'t watched that show since I was in Alabama. Not regularly since we used to go over to Clay's and Rebecca's to watch it. I really do enjoy the show, but I will and most definitely must critique it. There is such an absence of color, which is the problem with the so called movement for gay rights anyway. No color. Very white. Even though there are a few jewish people, but ok. Anyway. Um. But I think that this show allows itself, and really is too much saccharine, with sappy white, middle- class,I share the same values with straight people story lines that do nothing but sprinkle fairy dust on the problems that this country, and indeed the gay community face. I believe even Will and Grace is less accomodating and imitation-oriented.

Made in America is a wonderfully touching film, it has always held a reserved space with me. Very good film. There is something about films from the 80s, they carried substance, dealt with issues, and addressed certain topics that expressed a wonderful and magnificent humanity. Ally Sheedy and Beverly D'Angelo are great.

Bono is a dumbfuck.