I am sick with hayfever tonight...... I am sick.....ehh. I am sick and bored with monotony and tired of humdrum. I feel a bit trapped without being able to move about as I please, when I please. At times, in Lafayette, I have felt like a well kept harem girl- specifically when I lived at the lodge, and when I used to sit in their shelter and wait for the bus to arrive every morning. I need to feel free to breathe, to expand my lungs. I met two absolutely gorgeous latino men today, Charles is by far the lovelier-- and I got his phone number. I tell you, when I was typing on my thesis earlier I was almost drugged out of my head-- by whatever bug this is I have. Ack. Dinner tonight was very good, and Candace is a trip and no I didn't leave a tip;-) I am the last of the jewish tippers. I am very glad for her and Jason-- he is hot and I would want him for myself if he turned the other way. Oh well, I am going to end this .

March 15,2005

Today I had a wonderful day. I had lunch with Josh and came home after watching a movie in Heavilon hall. I turned on my music and let the thoughts run through my head..... I have been very scared and operating out of fear for a lot of my life and it is time to make some changes. My creativity has always been with me, but at times both it and me have been trapped in a black hole.I dedicate my life to truth, to telling the truth, and to loving and caring those that I love and care about and the world and the universe to its fullest extent. Other than that, I felt much better after dancing around for half an hour and even came up with some new, innovative things...such as my ballet of the three chairs....;-) Set to the tune of "Make it Like a Memory." I will commit myself to writing at least to pages on my thesis tonight. Sarchophage. Imperfection is perfection...it is the body that counts. I take that thought and those words (partially) from Francois Trauffaut, indirectly through Barbra Streisand. I will no longer fear I will live with my imperfections. I will live, and breathe, purely and simply.

To want something and then to have ideals....is to suffer. I'll finish this thought later.