I realized today that I am a plant.Also, I composed this poem:

I am a statue, unwilling to fall
you cannot hurt me, I am immune to your touch,
my soul is a plaster, hardened with time.
I am a statue, you cannot get near
I am confined, restricted and bound

House music just possesses such incredible energy and a raw creativity that it is right up my alley. Charles broadened my knowledge of house music-- I have enjoyed it before, when I had the opportunity to hear it, but Charles introduced me to a lot more of it, especially certain DJs. Ohh--- Alas, DJ Butter from Stephanie's party. I want to find that man and marry him.

I had a great dinner tonight. I absolutely enjoy cooking for myself. I will never order from fastfood again when I can help it. I love to cook, it is a joy, but I rarely get to do it since I don't have a car and this town is just shitty enough to make it impossible to get to where you need to go without one. I really am paying attention to what Bethany said at lunch-- "You are what you eat."

I met Jason back oh, perhaps around Thanksgiving of Last year, but I had gone to Chicago and on the bus back we sat next to each other and talked.I remember him, and our initial meeting was so interesting and memorable because I recognized hm as a BLack person and he was surprised, as he is very fair, able to pass for white or be mistaken as white. He is an interesting boy. From California, smokes cigarettes compulsively and is an interesting conversationalist. The people you come into contact with.

Life; this is the stuff of high drama. We live it and it is only for us to be strong enough to take the pain and pickup the pen and write about it. Thats what my calling is for, the sharing of the human experience. I wanted to dance with Charles to Chaka Khan and experience him out on the floor of the hottest nightclubs in CHicago. I enjoyed dancing with him. I loved it. I enjoyed keeping company with him. Evenings out with him were like such a breath of fresh air. I felt completely comfortable with him. God, the pain.

Charles has moved away, and I am very sad about that. He was so good for me and very sweet. Generuous to a fault- he would give his right arm for you just because. God, w hat a spirit. I felt comfortable around him and he made me feel great, the world lightened up in his presence. He t old me he was moving a couple of weeks ago and I thought it was at the end of this week. Isnt it something else that people can come in and out so easily? So beautifully. I have his phone number;-). Alas, I envy his freedom. I want to roam as he does. I hate being confined! I hate being restricted and I hate not being able to MOVE as I want to. I will either move or the earth will explode. God Help Me.

Charles moved to Alaska. He was very sweet. I wish him well.

I should learn not to expect the worst in people. Am I mean?

Excerpt from Jane Fonda: My Life So Far

I began to be aware that I was followed constantly and took care not to drive over the speed limit. Nonetheless, we were stopped numberous times on one pretext or another and I had to show my driver's liscense and registration. I saw it as a form of harrassment and realized that for the first time, I had stepped across the line that allows upper-class white people, especially celebrities, never to have to experience what other people, especially people of color, face all of the time- only far worse. There was a tightening in my stomach; I never knew what would happen next. I was aware of the possiblity that I might be set up, but I also felt a deepining resolve to not turn back.

Drinking Orange Juice can almost be orgasmic.

An Exchange Involving My Grandmother Once with Some Person from the Prattville Community...Before I Was Born

"You One'a them there things?" "One of what things?" "One of them there DeRamuses."


Hahaha. Yes lord, We are Deramus. My great-grandmother's name was Sadie Mae Goodson DeRamus. SHe married John Archie Bradson Deramus and had eight children, reared several including a foster child-her motherless nephew. Of her eight, she educated them all. My great grandfather's name was Morgan Goodson ( and therefore we are Goodsons too). His wife was named Mattie Roper/ Goodson, and together they had twenty children, roughly more than half of whom lived to adulthood, and about nine of which left offspring and descendant lines. There oldest child was King Philip and others whose names I can remember right off the top this morning are Henry Oliver, Macauley Ware(Fess Goodson),James Doc, Sadie Mae, Alfreda, Ethel, Caroline, Emma,....if I remember more I will post them. My great great great grandmother's name was Caroline Roper, who was a white woman. She had nine children, six with my great-great-great grandfather, Greenberry Smith, a mulatto, one with my other great-great great grandfather, and two that were completely white. Greenberry himself, had 49 children.

Last night I had an interesting dream...I should write what I remember of it down, but I was distantly, but closely enough related to this politically active radical family. My uncle was assasinated. I grieved. I also reveled in their beauty of spirit and their integrity.

Men are wicked.

What I have noticed of Lafayette

There are a lot of wedding rings...this university picks its people well-- keeping their normativity intact. Even the so-called gay people. White, heterosexual, heteronormative- Lafayette.

A Severe Injustice: And the Beginning of What I feel is going to be a Serious movement

This past Saturday, June 4,2005, Police in Indianapolis attacked, brutalized, and finally arrested 24 protestors against the development of I-69 through Indiana. They tear-gassed, kicked, and brutalized several. I feel that this action, and the responses that are pouring in from those who were present there as well as other activists, is the beginning of a solid and newly grounded and committed movement. It looks very much like the 60s again......with committment being made to struggle.... In that light, this is an account of the events from Jack McKivigan of IUPUI.


I took my eleven year-old downtown on Saturday to participate in
the "Roadless Summer" protest against the construction of I-69. We
met other demonstrators at the "mall" area between Meridian and
Pennsylvania. When the protest moved to the Capitol area we decided
to detour and get an ice cream cone first. When we finally caught up
with a few straggling protestors we learned what happened--so I
guess I we escaped possible arrest by just "a few licks." (Sorry.)

I have talked to several eyewitnesses to the arrests and what I have
learned makes me believe that yet another serious violation of the
freedom of assembly has been perpetrated by the Indianapolis Police
Department, led by its "Intelligence Division.". You can make up
your own minds about the spray painting of the capitol building, but
I believe the real criminal element that day was our city police.
They have been spoiling for vengeance against the Solidarity/Paper
Matches collective and other non-main-stream political groups ever
since losing a law suit to them last spring for illegal arrests and
searches occurring at the time of August 2003 meeting of the
National Governors' Association in this city.

After the spray painting incident at the capitol, the protestors
departed the capitol grounds but were "pursued" by elements of five,
count 'em, five different law enforcement agencies. When a large
number of those protestors were "cornered" near Military Park across
West Avenue, the police began targeting and arresting individuals
known to them for past prominence in demonstrations over recent
years without any knowledge of whether they had been the individuals
responsible for the spray painting. Note that the charges brought
against most of the twenty-four arrestees is the generic "disorderly
conduct" one. These twenty-four will now be forced to obtain legal
counsel and be subject to months of legal harassment. Most if not
all ultimately will be exonerated or have their charges kicked down
to the "infraction" level but the IPD will have had the opportunity
to disrupt seriously this summer's Anti-I-69 campaign as well as
settle some old scores. Anyone at IUPUI willing to donate their time
or money to assist these "detainees," can contact me.

The reprehensible action of the IPD on Saturday is just further
evidence that they are the real "rogue political force" in this
city. It is time for the mayor and the city-county council to step
in and place the IPD under a fully transparent system of civilian
supervision before every citizen's rights disappears.

Jack McKivigan

Jane Fonda's book is such a revelation! One of the most beautiful people indeed!!!!

I have interestingly gained the ability to scat. From out of nowhere. I started really today.